THIS WILL BE MY NEXT PROFILE PICTURE!
Thank you, Google.
THIS WILL BE MY NEXT PROFILE PICTURE!
Thank you, Google.
It will be the first one in 5 years that I’ll spend single, but my greatest worry is that I still haven’t updated my “about” page.
Good thing is my ex doesn’t read my blog. Although I check his regularly.
Anywhoooo… The topic will be Valentines cards and pick up lines that don’t work at all OR are socially awkward.
Valentines cards lines you can use:
– I would give you my last piece of pizza
– I would let you overwrite my save game
– I would never lose a key to your heart… (do not confuse heart with house)
– Will you be my Valentine? Me neither.
– There is no key to my heart, there is a password. Which is hidden like a coded message in 50 Shades of Grey book I give to you
Pick up lines:
– *coughs seductively*
– may I buy you a pizza?
– *makes eye contact* Girl, you are hot like Anakin Skywalker after duel with Obi Wan
– Is it hot in here or can I turn off the AC?
– *awkward silence*
I had fun making these… Wish I can say that for my creativity.
Ughh. Great. What’s the point in setting the alarm if I’m going to wake up before it goes off? What a total waste. Now I’ve gotta shut it off but I don’t feel like moving. But if I don’t shut it off it will just keep ringing and ringing. It makes me tired just thinking about the whole thing. Some mornings are such a drag…
– Nara Shikamaru
(It seems so appropriate to post this on Saturday morning, you have no idea!)
What my cat learnt from me:
– Panic when you are alone and always check who is at the door (even when it is not for you).
What I learned from my cat:
– ALWAYS watch people from the window. Stuff happens, you know.
Note: The habit I picked up from my cat, combined with my insomnia, about a month ago, made me see fire starting in one of the neighbour buildings at 3 am. I called the fire department and I (that’s what I hope) helped save some lives.
Thank you, derpy cat.
It is amazing how anyone becomes Sherlock Holmes when they watch their favourite TV show/movie again.
– Oh, come on! Look at the writings! He’s totally the killer!
– For God’s sake, even an idiot could figure that he faked his death! One and one are two!
– Are you that stupid?
– I can’t believe he’s the main character!
– Of course he’s gonna use that! I would, too!
– Well, you deserve to die, dumbass!
– Morons! Get off the boat! Get. Off. The. Boat.
– Pfft! I could do the job ten times better! Idiots…
Even though the first time you were even more of a retard than they were.
Me: “Oooooh! How it’s made! Electric violins! As a former violinist, I am curious.”
Discovery: *Blah blah blah* “…and the sound of the violins was overpowered by horns and trumpets…”
Discovery: “…and by amplifying the sound, violins are no longer just a background instruments.”
Me: “WHAT? Listen here, you *beep* *beep*! If I ever catch that prick who…”
My roommate: “Arguing with TV again?”
Me: “WELL THEY DESERVE IT! THEY F***ING MANAGED TO INSULT THE VIOLIN PLAYERS IN ONE SENTENCE!”
My roommate: “…”
My roommate: “Do you know why a bass has 4 strings?”
Me: “Huh? How is that… Nevermind… Why?”
My roommate: “3 are there in casethe main one snaps! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” *casually moonwalks away*
(he didn’t moonwalk)
It started as a joke, but I was always surprised by the look on people’s faces saying: “This is my life!”
What I imagine the future will be:
My favourite movies are usually about the end of the world.
Well, not exactly favourite, but I do like to watch them.
The movie “Knowing” (starring Nicolas Cage), also made me dream about the end of the world “brought to you by the bringer of life – Sun”.
It also made me realize how shitty that movie was. It was like internet actually made it. Seriously.
Here are all the stages of the movie (how I think the development went):
Note: there will be spoilers, but fuck it! No one will watch that movie.
1. The “Final Destination” chapter – Nicolas Cage cracks the code which says the exact locations where a disaster will occur, date, and number of victims who will die. They all die in “Final Destination” style, but Cage can’t stop it.
2. The “I’m not saying it’s aliens, but… Aliens” chapter – Seriously. Right from the beginning I realized the blond , mute people were aliens. Interestingly enough, they looked like how Nazis described “superior race”. Blonde, blue eyes, tall, etc. And they were superior compared to humans. Were they the Nazis? I bet they were the Nazis.
3.The “2012” chapter – BUM! POW! CRASH! OH NO! THE WORLD IS ENDING! (insert lots of CGI here) BUM! LET ME RUN TO MY FAMILY AND HOLD THEM WHILE THERE ARE EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE! (insert more CGI here)
4. The “Spore” chapter – the ecosystem of the planet known as Earth is in danger. We must transfer couple of species on another T3 type planet as soon as we can. *the job is done* “THANK YOU! YOU HAVE SAVED ANOTHER SPECIES AND ENSURED THAT OUR ALLIANCE TREATY ISN’T BROKEN.”
Almost 99% of my internet time is spent on Cracked. If you want me to explain what Cracked is…
Ain’t gonna happen. Check them out.
But, you can get a taste of them here, with my favourite excerpts from recent articles. 🙂
The only animal smart enough to build a computer is probably also the only animal dumb enough to believe that wearing a lucky pair of socks will increase his chances of winning the lottery.
If you live in the modern age you probably bought your table at IKEA, which means it’s still sitting in an unassembled pile in the closet because they gave you the wrong Urgnblott and they can’t order any replacements because there was a strike back in Trrnlbord at the Fyjrnwuld plant where they make them. You make a silent pledge to donate some god damn vowels to the Swedes, right before you kick their balls to death.
The fact that George Washington didn’t die in battle proves that he couldn’t die in battle, because he really really should have died in battle. Perhaps someone should have tried cutting his head off with a sword, because looking at the facts, the first real president of the United States was a fucking Highlander. He thwarted death, fell into the presidency, and succeeded only by the most fortuitous of flukes.
For the casual moviegoer, Tom Cruise’s versatility as an actor ranges from cocky, attractive action hero in Mission: Impossible to cocky, attractive action hero in Top Gun, while some also remember him in his standout role as a cocky, attractive action hero in Minority Report. But Cruise is kind of unfairly maligned in this way — when he’s allowed to venture out of his pigeonhole, the man can really act.
Hero? No! We’re pirates! I love heroes, but I don’t wanna be one! Do you know what heroes are? Say there is a chunk of meat. Pirates will have a banquet and eat it, but heroes will share it with other people. I want all the meat!
– Monkey D Luffy (One Piece)
OK, listen up! Heroes are people who share their booze with other people. I wanna drink my booze!
– Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)
What I really love is how they both define a hero so similar, yet totally different. It’s just one of the things I love about them. 🙂