Scare the Death

 

The moral of the story is – put your jam on your bread like you want to scare the death itself!

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My name is not Mr Mittens

I always thought that, if cats could speak, it would be in that Spanish accent. It has nothing to do with “Puss in Boots”. Even before that I believed Spanish accent is perfect for cats.

Think about it.

You have a cat and one day you prepare the food for it and it says: “Gracias for the food, señorita. And my name is not Mittens.”

“Then what should I call you?”

“Miguel.”

It. Would. Be. Awesome.

Looking forward to Valentines day!

So… Valentines…

It will be the first one in 5 years that I’ll spend single, but my greatest worry is that I still haven’t updated my “about” page.

Good thing is my ex doesn’t read my blog. Although I check his regularly.

Anywhoooo… The topic will be Valentines cards and pick up lines that don’t work at all OR are socially awkward.

Valentines cards lines you can use:

– I would give you my last piece of pizza

– I would let you overwrite my save game

– I would never lose a key to your heart… (do not confuse heart with house)

– Will you be my Valentine? Me neither.

– There is no key to my heart, there is a password. Which is hidden like a coded message in 50 Shades of Grey book I give to you

Pick up lines:

– *coughs seductively*

– may I buy you a pizza?

– *makes eye contact* Girl, you are hot like Anakin Skywalker after duel with Obi Wan

– Is it hot in here or can I turn off the AC?

– *awkward silence*

I had fun making these… Wish I can say that for my creativity.

What’s cracking?

Almost 99% of my internet time is spent on Cracked. If you want me to explain what Cracked is…

Ain’t gonna happen. Check them out.

But, you can get a taste of them here, with my favourite excerpts from recent articles. 🙂

The only animal smart enough to build a computer is probably also the only animal dumb enough to believe that wearing a lucky pair of socks will increase his chances of winning the lottery.
If you live in the modern age you probably bought your table at IKEA, which means it’s still sitting in an unassembled pile in the closet because they gave you the wrong Urgnblott and they can’t order any replacements because there was a strike back in Trrnlbord at the Fyjrnwuld plant where they make them. You make a silent pledge to donate some god damn vowels to the Swedes, right before you kick their balls to death.
The fact that George Washington didn’t die in battle proves that he couldn’t die in battle, because he really really should have died in battle. Perhaps someone should have tried cutting his head off with a sword, because looking at the facts, the first real president of the United States was a fucking Highlander. He thwarted death, fell into the presidency, and succeeded only by the most fortuitous of flukes.
For the casual moviegoer, Tom Cruise’s versatility as an actor ranges from cocky, attractive action hero in Mission: Impossible to cocky, attractive action hero in Top Gun, while some also remember him in his standout role as a cocky, attractive action hero in Minority Report. But Cruise is kind of unfairly maligned in this way — when he’s allowed to venture out of his pigeonhole, the man can really act.

Watching the documentaries

In a small laboratory away from preying eyes, a group of scientists are working feverishly to crack the oldest message on this world. The ultimate proof that aliens exist.

“For years there have been theories that we may have already encountered extraterrestrials. or our ancestors did. If we would present the Earth’s timeline, from its beginning till present in just one day, the humanity would be in the last couple of seconds. If the aliens came to Earth, the probability of missing each other is highly. But what if they left us a message. if they did, they must have left it somewhere they knew it was safe. Somewhere where we never bothered to look, but again, in the plain sight – DNA.” excerpt from “Through the Wormhole”).

Around 98% of DNA is labelled as “junk”. But what if it isn’t? What if those lines are a code that developed through evolution waiting for someone smart enough to crack it.

And a scientist did. He almost got a heart attack when he found out what he did. The patterns fit, everything fits perfectly, now only to apply the code.
N…E…V…E….R…G…O…N…N…A…G…I…V…E…Y…O…U…U…P…n…e…v…e…r…g…o…n…n…a…l…e…t…y…o…u…d…o…w…n…..

…seriously?

Fuck you, aliens.