Almost 99% of my internet time is spent on Cracked. If you want me to explain what Cracked is…
Ain’t gonna happen. Check them out.
But, you can get a taste of them here, with my favourite excerpts from recent articles. 🙂
The only animal smart enough to build a computer is probably also the only animal dumb enough to believe that wearing a lucky pair of socks will increase his chances of winning the lottery.
If you live in the modern age you probably bought your table at IKEA, which means it’s still sitting in an unassembled pile in the closet because they gave you the wrong Urgnblott and they can’t order any replacements because there was a strike back in Trrnlbord at the Fyjrnwuld plant where they make them. You make a silent pledge to donate some god damn vowels to the Swedes, right before you kick their balls to death.
The fact that George Washington didn’t die in battle proves that he couldn’t die in battle, because he really really should have died in battle. Perhaps someone should have tried cutting his head off with a sword, because looking at the facts, the first real president of the United States was a fucking Highlander. He thwarted death, fell into the presidency, and succeeded only by the most fortuitous of flukes.
For the casual moviegoer, Tom Cruise’s versatility as an actor ranges from cocky, attractive action hero in Mission: Impossible to cocky, attractive action hero in Top Gun, while some also remember him in his standout role as a cocky, attractive action hero in Minority Report. But Cruise is kind of unfairly maligned in this way — when he’s allowed to venture out of his pigeonhole, the man can really act.