It all started a month ago. I cannot remember exactly when, all I know is that I was working on something very important – an essay for a contest from Goi peace foundation. I was proud on that text and very tired, since I’ve been writing it for hours. Sitting on cool air was doing me good, and I was enjoying my coffee, looking at my biggest writing work I ever did. Suddenly, a tiny voice inside my head said a sentence that I will never forget:
“You can do better than that!”
I tried to silence it, like I did for two years, but this time I was very tired and I gave up shortly after a miserable fight. The Voice continued with venomous enthusiasm:
“Look at you! You are not happy with what you are doing. You do like music, but that is not what you want. You want something different. That’s why you are writing blog, reading books in English language, correct people who make grammar mistakes… You can do so much more, but you are trapped.”
I have to admit, the Voice was right. My conscience is telling me that it is time for decisions, and that I need to make them now. But it is not easy.
I have to erase two, no, six years of my past, almost like they never existed. I need to start from the beginning, and I was afraid and tired. Also, there was a question hanging in the air – will it be worth it?
“Do it now, while you still can. In a day or two, it will be too late to do anything and you will be miserable again. Remember your idea from six months ago. It IS the right thing to do. You crave for knowledge, but not this one. You want to learn about others, their history, culture, language. You are good at that. You were the best in high school and here, too. Everyone except you know that. Don’t waste talent. Do it!”
And I did it. I called my boyfriend, who was in Belgrade at the time, and asked him to go to the Faculty of Philology and ask them what I need to do to be admitted.
The storm is about to begin…