It was 3 years ago, on my 18th birthday. It was a big day for me, because I was becoming an adult. Actually, I couldn’t less care, but my parents decided to celebrate, and by celebration I mean to open a bottle of vine and call some friends over for drink. I was not invited.
Anyway, the person who was most happy was my grandma. I am her favorite grandchild and seeing me all grown up was the biggest joy of her life. She was laughing and talking with everyone (she doesn’t do that at all), and she even poured herself a glass of wine.
And that’s when the gears in my head started moving. She doesn’t drink. Never. Maybe, if I… But no, that would be too much. And then I caught a look from my father and I realized we were thinking the same.
We had a bottle of cherry liqueur somewhere in-house. She wouldn’t know the difference, and, truth to be told, we really wanted to see her drunk once in her life. So, we found the bottle, my father opened it (he made me swear I would never tell this mom) and gave me a glass.
Everything else was a piece of cake. I went to my grandma, gave her the drink and asked her to drink with me. She realized it is not wine, but, instead of throwing it away, she drank it. And asked for more.
And that’s when everything became hilarious. She was fast. Like really, really, fast. Apparently alcohol gave her energy. She was also talking nonsense and her nose and ears were so red…
My father and me were laughing so hard, while my mother was furious. She came to us and asked: “I know it was you two who made her drunk. I just want to know what you gave her.”
There was no need for answer. She saw an empty bottle of liqueur (we drank the rest so I was pretty much drunk at that point, but my father, being old school, was completely sober. I bet he was laughing at me, too), and became pale instantly. One thing is a drunk grandmother, but, much worse is a grandmother with hangover.
And there was a hell of a hangover. I didn’t have it, and my father told me he is proud of me for that (truth, I never had a hangover, but I had “black-out” periods in my life), but my grandma, being cranky (just because she is old) everyday, was now double cranky. So, after one of better days, came one of the worst days in my life. We couldn’t yell, we prayed that our dogs won’t bark, no loud music. I remember our neighbor coming to check on us because she thought someone died (she was spying on us).
Anyway, my mother decided not to punish us (she wanted to punish grandma too, because she told her to never, ever take drinks from my hand), because grandma’s hangover was the best punishment ever.
(She never drank in her life, so of course she never had a hangover. It was a different time back then and she blamed me for headache. I think she will never forgive me for that, and for missing out my birthday – she became sleepy very early and hid in the bedroom.)
So, the lesson of the story is: under no circumstances, DO NOT get your grandmother drunk. Old people have bad hangovers. For them, and for you.